A Letter from My Sponsor
My second sponsor, Karl B., was a globe trotter. He quit his job, sold all his belongings and went around the world in search of life’s meaning. He first rode a motorcycle from Los Angeles to South America, then off to Asia, India, Spain, etc. He was gone for the better part of a year and did not stay in a hotel one single night.
He sent me the following letter from Barcelona in 1991. I just shy of two years sober, and it changed my life. It could have arrived in my mailbox at any time during my 27 years and would have had the same impact. But getting it when I was relatively new was incredible. I read it often and share it with men I sponsor if I feel they will get it. Maybe it will touch you as well:
“Brent – I’d think you would enjoy this. I did --
“Barcelona June 3rd, 1991 –
“What would I say if I could say what I know right now? First I’d say thank you. Thank you to my higher self, guided by the source – the light of God. Thank you for the key to the door of freedom. The key for me is the humbleness of sobriety. The humility of knowing I can’t take a step towards enlightenment while I’m in control, or to be more precise, while my mind’s in control. My mind is in an endless search for the unattainable solution of my wandering soul. The answer is not in the mind; that’s the problem. The answer is in the light within – the soul carries its own savior.
“Thank you again fate for taking me on this journey of trials and tribulations. I would never take a step forward unless the pain was so great I couldn’t stay where I was. And I’m so grateful for where I am. It’s not a heroic place by society’s standards, yet it’s the place I’ve always longed for deep inside -- a place of contentment. Not less than this or more than that -- just a place in time where just being is supreme. When being what you are is totally enough, knowing that the next moment you may be somewhere else and that somewhere else will be enough just the same.
“There is only one rule, and it must always be the primary purpose of your existence. Recovery, enlightenment, call it what you like. It is your path – your path to freedom; your path to self-love, that you may love all other earthly things. The gift is in the giving and the ultimate gift is love.
“The freedom is to give with no expectations, for if there is, that is not love. That is not freedom. It is a hidden desire, a hidden need. You cannot get what you need from any human being. Sure you may get some temporary comfort. Sure you may get some intervals of euphoria. You can get that in many different ways. All you truly need is the freedom to love yourself whole, and only you can do that for yourself. That is recovery. That is enlightenment. That is my understanding of God. God is love. God within is to love yourself that you may love everything else unconditionally. Only until then are you really free, and that freedom is what the animal inside us truly wants. Truly needs.
“Deep inside our spirit beats the drum of freedom. Our soul sings the song of the wind. Our heart pumps a river to the ocean -- the ocean of vastness. Total uninhibitedness is where we want to be. Totally free. You are your guide. There are an infinite amount of paths undiscovered. One of them is yours, if not many. This is the law of the universe. This is the truth. Follow the truth. Follow yourself. The light of God is bright inside you. You are your savior.
“I love you. Karl”